Thursday, March 22, 2012

Depression: Never Say Never

I said I'd never to it... that I was better now and the past was behind me.  
Then I looked in those 2 innocent faces that call me mama,
 and I realize I'm doing it for them.  

I fought depression as a teenager and thought I'd won the battle forever.  I put that painful chapter behind me.  I had defeated it and it was gone.  That is until the last year, when we slowly realized the depression was back.  On a good day I was able to function and on a bad day Bob would cover for me and I hid in our bedroom.  Getting some assistance from medication was looking like a better idea every day.  I needed the medicine to help reset my brain chemistry so I could better function.

I owed it to my kids.  They deserved a patient mom who could deal with the interruptions of motherhood, who wanted to sit on the floor and play with them instead of insisting on a movie to babysit them.  A mom who didn't get anxious about taking them to the store alone.  I did it for my kids.

I tried medication to see if it would help because my kids deserved a healthy mom.  I now take my medication because I see the person I had become and I'm glad I'm back to being me.  I want to stay me, I forgot that I once enjoyed playing with my kids and they aren't always in the way.  I want enjoy and thrive in my life and not survive.  And right now, my brain needs some help to process everything.

I'm thankful everyday that the first medicine I tried had a huge positive impact on my health.  I'm thankful that this week as my husband returned to a full time job away from home I was able to enjoy the little moments with my kids every day.  The smiles seemed bigger and the laughter was louder than it has been for a long time.  I'm thankful I tried medication again.

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